say-yes

Theyweredoingthedishes,hiswifewashingwhilehedried.Unlikemostmenheknew,hereallypitchedinonthehousework.Afewmonthsearlierhe'doverheardafriendofhiswife'scongratulateheronhavingsuchaconsideratehusband.Theytalkedaboutdifferentthingsandsomehowgotonthesubjectofwhetherwhitepeopleshouldmarryblackpeople.Hesaidthatallthingsconsidered,hethoughtitwasabadidea.Why?sheasked.Sometimeshiswifegotthislookwhereshepinchedherbrowstogetherandbitherlowerlip.Whenhesawherlikethisheknewheshouldkeephismouthshut,butheneverdid.Actuallyitmadehimtalkmore.Shehadthatlooknow.Why?sheaskedagain,andstoodtherewithherhandinsideabowl,justholdingitabovethewater.Listen,hesaid,Iwenttoschoolwithblacks,andI'veworkedwithblacksandwe'vealwaysgottenalongjustfine.Idon'tneedyoucomingalongnowandimplyingthatI'maracist.Ididn'timplyanything,shesaid,Ijustdon'tseewhat'swrongwithawhitepersonmarryingablackperson,that'sall.Theydon'tcomefromthesameculture.Why,theyevenhavetheirownlanguage.That'sokaywithme,Ilikehearingthemtalk.Butit'sdifferent.Apersonfromtheircultureandapersonfromourculturecouldneverreallyknoweachother.Likeyouknowme?hiswifeasked.Yes.LikeIknowyou.Butiftheyloveeachother,shesaid.Ohboy,hethought.Hesaid,Don'ttakemywordforit.Lookatthestatistics.Mostofthosemarriagesbreakup.Statistics.Shewaspilingdishesonthedraining-boardataterrificrate.Manyofthemwerestillgreasy.Allright,shesaid,whataboutforeigners?Isupposeyouthinkthesamethingabouttwoforeignersgettingmarried.Yes,hesaid,asamatteroffactIdo.Howcanyouunderstandsomeonewhocomesfromacompletelydifferentbackground?Different,saidhiswife.Notthesame,likeus.Yes,different,hesnapped,angrywithherforresortingtothistrickofrepeatinghiswordssothattheysoundedhypocritical.Thesearedirty,hesaid,andthrewallthesilverwarebackintothesink.Shestareddownatit,herlipspressedtighttogether,thenplungedherhandsunderthesurface.Oh!shecried,andjumpedback.Shetookherrighthandbythewristandhelditup.Herthumbwasbleeding.Don'tmove,hesaid.Stayrightthere.Heranupstairstothebathroomandrummagedinthemedicinechestforalcohol,cotton,andaBand-Aid.Whenhecamebackdownshewasleaningagainsttherefrigeratorwithhereyesclosed,stillholdingherhand.Hetookthehandanddabbedatherthumbwiththecotton.Thebleedinghadstopped.Hesqueezedittoseehowdeepthewoundwas.It'sshallow,hesaid.Tomorrowyouwon'tevenknowit'sthere.Hehopedthatsheappreciatedhowquicklyhehadcometoheraid.He'dactedoutofconcernforher,hethoughtthatitwouldbeanicegestureonherpartnottostartupthatconversationagain,ashewastiredofit.I'llfinishuphere,hesaid.Yougoandrelax.That'sokay,shesaid.I'lldry.Hebegantowashthesilverwareagain.So,shesaid,youwouldn'thavemarriedmeifI'dbeenblack.ForChrist'ssake,Ann!Well,that'swhatyousaid,didn'tyou?No,Ididnot.Thewholequestionisridiculous.Ifyouhadbeenblackweprobablywouldn'tevenhavemet.TheonlyblackgirlIeverreallyknewwasmypartnerinthedebatingclub.Butifwehadmet,andI'dbeenblack?Thenyouprobablywouldhavebeengoingoutwithablackguy.Hepickeduptherinsingnozzleandsprayedthesilverware.Let'ssayIamblackandunattached,shesaid,andwemeetandfallinlove.Heglancedoverather.Shewaswatchinghimandhereyeswerebright.Look,hesaid,takingareasonabletone,thisisstupid.Ifyouwereblackyouwouldn'tbeyou.Ashesaidthisherealizeditwasabsolutelytrue.Therewasnopossiblewayofarguingwiththefactthatshewouldnotbeherselfifshewereblack.Iknow,shesaid,butlet'sjustsay.Hetookadeepbreath.Hehadwontheargumentbuthestillfeltcornered.Saywhat?heasked.ThatI'mblack,butstillme,andwefallinlove.Willyoumarryme?Hethough!aboutit.Well?shesaid.Hereyeswereevenbrighter.Willyoumarryme?I'mthinking,hesaid.Youwon't,Icantell.Let'snotmovetoofastonthis,hesaid.Therearelotsofthingstoconsider.Wedon'twanttodosomethingwewouldregretfortherestofourlives.Nomoreconsidering.Yesorno.Sinceyouputitthatway—Yesorno.Jesus,Ann.Allright.No.Shesaid,Thankyou,andwalkedfromthekitchenintothelivingroom.Amomentlaterheheardherturningthepagesofamagazine.Heknewthatshewastooangrytobeactuallyreadingit,butshedidn'tsnapthroughthepagesthewayhewouldhavedone.Sheturnedthemslowly,asifshewerestudyingeveryword.Shewasdemonstratingherindifferencetohim,andithadtheeffectheknewshewantedittohave.Ithurthim.Hehadnochoicebuttodemonstratehisindifferencetoher.Quietly,thoroughly,hewashedtherestofthedishes.Thenhedriedthemandputthemaway.Hewipedthecountersandthestove.Whilehewasatit,hedecided,hemightaswellmopthefloor.Whenhewasdonethekitchenlookednew,thewayitlookedwhentheywerefirstshownthehouse.Hepickedupthegarbagepailandwentoutside.Thenightwasclearandhecouldseeafewstarstothewest,wherethelightsofthetowndidn'tblurthemout.OnElCaminothetrafficwassteadyandlight,peacefulasariver.Hefeltashamedthathehadlethiswifegethimintoafight.Inanotherthirtyyearsorsotheywouldbothbedead.Whatwouldallthatstuffmatterthen?Hethoughtoftheyearstheyhadspenttogether,andhowclosetheywere,andhowwelltheykneweachother,andhisthroattightenedsothathecouldhardlybreathe.Thehousewasdarkwhenhecamebackinside.Shewasinthebathroom.Hestoodoutsidethedoorandcalledhername.Ann,I'mreallysorry,hesaid.I'llmakeituptoyou.Ipromise.How?shesaid.Heknewthathehadtocomeupwiththerightanswer.Heleanedagainstthed